The XIII Order
by Serexion
Summary: A collection of oneshots and drabbles, centraling around the Organization XIII. New ideas welcome, drop a review. UP: Sora and Tax Forms.
1. Luxord and Zemnas Play Blackjack

**This story, my friends, is not exactly story, but more of a collection of short to medium- length one-shots that have nothing to do with one another. This will go on until I run out of ideas- these all just sprung into my head at once while walking the dog.**

**Title: A Series of Random Organization XIII One-Shots**

**Rating: K+. No clue what will happen in the future- rating subject to change.**

**Summary: Just what the title says. A bunch of one-shots written by me, centralizing around the Organization XIII. First up: Luxord and Xemnas play blackjack! **

**Disclaimer****: I do not, except in my fantasy world of a mind, own Kingdom Hearts. That's it. Don't sue me, or there will be problems.**

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**Luxord and Xemnas Play Blackjack!**

"Hit me."

Luxord looked up, stroking his mustache. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Hit me."

Luxord raised his hand. "Are you absolutelysure?"

"YES, DAMNIT! HIT ME!"

"Whatever you say, Superior." Luxord threw a card out of his hand to Xemnas, who caught it and looked down. Nine of diamonds, five of spades, seven of hearts...

He said something unprintable and threw the cards on the kitchen table in a fit of rage. "25.'

Luxord smiled slightly and placed his cards done- Jack of clubs, Five of hearts, five of clubs, and ace of spades. "21."

"That's IMPOSSIBLE!" His companion shouted, jumping out of the chair he was sitting in. "That's your sixteenth in a row!"

Luxord shook his head. "Superior, I'm very talented at blackjack. No need to get upset."

"I'm not _upset_,I'm _furious_!"

"That's quite apparent."

"You think?"

"Superior, _calm down_. You'll _upset_ the cards." Luxord put a finger to his lips.

"Screw the cards, you frigging CHEATER! I should blow you away and send you to the void-"

"I'm not a cheater!" the neatly-ordered man looked taken aback at the comment. "You just are _really_ bad."

"Really bad, my _ass_."

"Here, try again." Luxord picked the cards up off of the table and dealt them out again. Xemnas looked down. Nine of diamonds, five of spades-

"Hit me."

Luxord threw a card to him.

Seven of hearts.

Xemnas threw the cards back down on the table, growling. "25."

Luxord put down a Jack of clubs, five of hearts, five of clubs, and ace of spades. "21."

"THIS IS SO STUPID, YOU CHEATING MOTHER-"

"Superior, wasn't that you that said we weren't allowed to use foul language while near to Kingdom Hearts because it gives off negative energy?"

Xemnas and Luxord both looked at the door and glared at the blond standing by it, leaning against the frame.

"Out, Demyx."

"Well, gee, so _nice_ of you to come by and see how we're doing, Demyx. Oh, you're welcome! So how is your day going? Oh, just fine. You know, I just have to walk into the kit-"

"OUT, Demyx."

Demyx looked at the table. "'Whatcha playing?"

"Blackjack. Out."

"Oh. Having fun?"

"Tons. Get out."

"Who's winning?"

"Luxord. Get out."

"Luxord, did you just refer to yourself in the third person? 'Cuse that's just really weird."

"Yes. I don't care. Out."

"So, superior, how stupid do you have to be to challenge Luxord to blackjack?"

"Call me stupid again and I will blow you into oblivion. Get OUT."

"But you get the same hand every time, you know. The cards never change."

"I don't care, Demy- WHAT?" Xemnas's eyes went wide as what Demyx said sunk in. "You're kidding!"

"Nope. Write down the cards and compare them."

Luxord flushed, angrily or embarrassedly, who knew. "Demyx?"

"Yes?"

"GET THE HELL OUT."

"Alright, geeze, I'm going, no need for violence..." Demyx turned around and started to walk down the hall. "All I wanted was a glass of water..."

Xemnas looked at Luxord. "He better be wrong."

Luxord gulped, then dealt the cards again. Xemnas looked down. Nine of diamonds, five of spades...

"Hit me."

Seven of hearts.

Xemnas said something unprintable again and put them down. "25. _Again."_

Luxord's hand shook slightly as he place his cards- Jack of clubs, five of hearts, five of clubs, and ace of spades.

"Why you little-"

"Superior, please, calm down-"

"I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN, YOU CHEATING LITTLE-"

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP._

_**We interrupt this potentially violent scene to bring you a special report to tell you...**_

_**Everything is absolutely fine!**_

_**We would also like to take this time to tell you that somebody has a car with the license plate of '655-JKKL' in the parking lot. Would you please move your car and turn off your lights? Thank you.**_

_**We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.**_

_BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP_

Xemnas walked into the living room ten minutes later, looking somewhat sorrowful. Xigbar was sitting in a chair, reading a book.

"So, you played blackjack against Luxord, huh?"

"How'd you find out?"

"Demyx. He only told the whole castle."

"Great. How many of them laughed their behinds off?"

"Believe it or not, no one. Axel and Roxas did an _awesome_ impression of you and Luxord playing Blackjack, though. We all laughed at that."

"Great. Just great."

"It was. Where is Luxord, anyway?"

Xemnas hung his head in mock sorrow. "He's in a better place now."

Xigbar, confused, walked out of the room, down the hallway, and into the kitchen... to find Luxord huddled in a corner, shaking.

"What's wrong, old man?"

"They're- coming-"

"Eh?"

"They- want to-"

"_Who _wants to do _what_, old timer?"

"They- want to hurt my cards-"

"_Who, _Luxord?"

"They- _them_-"

"WHO IS _THEM_?"

Luxord looked up, face red.

"THE MONKEYS!"

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****Well, that's it for blackjack. Next up: Numbers 5 and 6 vs. 8 and 13... in Volleyball!**

**If you have a request for a short one-shot, put it down when you review. I'll put it on the list if I can think of something!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	2. Volleyball Match!

**Okay, here's this:**

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**Volleyball Match!**

"You know, this is _so_ not my forte." Zexion said, staring at the large net stretched in front of him.

"Comon, Zexy, it'll be fun!" Axel said enthusiastically, pushing him towards the court and shoving the white ball into his hands. "Your serve."

"But I _hate_ volleyball." Zexion whined, throwing the ball across the room and forcing Roxas to run after it. "And don't call me Zexy, or I'll be forced to knock your teeth out."

"I'd like to see you tr-"

"Stop whining and just hit the thing already." Lexaeus's deep cut through Axel's response. Zexion blanched.

"But what if it hits me in the head- OW!"

"There, see, it hit you in the head. Now there's no need to be so damn frightened of the ball." Roxas, who had in fact thrown it, sounded annoyed from across the court.

"But-"

"HIT THE DAMN BALL!" Axel shouted across the court, looking ready to bash the first person that said anything otherwise on the head.

"FINE, fine, I'll just kill myself with the thing, okay? Sheesh…" He lined the ball up, glared at Axel from across the court, and hit it. The ball, now a white blur, went flying over the net.

"Yes! I did it!" Zexion yelled happily, jumping up and down like a lunatic.

_WHAM._

"OW! WHA'D YOU DO THAT FOR?" He screeched, rubbing the sore spot on his head.

"You're supposed to hit the ball back and forth, Zexion." Lexaeus sighed, seemingly trying not to do anything rash.

"You are?" Zexion's eyes widened.

"Yes, Einstein." Axel said sarcastically, then turned to Roxas. "Your serve."

Roxas took the ball Lexaeus threw to him, serving it over the net. Lexaeus ran up to the ball and hit it back- a little to forcefully. The ball hit Axel full-on in the face, leaving striped red marks.

"What was that for?" Axel yelled in pain, holding his face in his hands.

Roxas was doubled up in silent laughter, trying to remain a loyal friend and not crack his ribs at the same time.

"What're you laughing about?"

"Nothing." Roxas gasped, holding his sides.

"It's your serve…"

"Um… just a minute. I think I have to go to the bathroom…" Roxas walked out the door and closed it behind him. A loud bark of laughter escaped from the other side of it, followed by a series of girlish giggles, followed by another bout of laughter. Finally, he came back in, red in the face but looking like he could actually serve.

Axel threw the ball to him, and he caught it, serving it back over the net. Lexaeus caught it.

"Hey!"

"It's my serve, genius."

"It is?"

"Yes. After the ball hit you in the face, it hit the ground. Thus, it's _my serve_."

"Isn't that a foul or something?" Axel grumbled, but handed the ball over anyway.

Lexaeus whammed the ball over the net. Both Axel and Roxas went to hit it back-

_WHAM_.

Both Lexaeus and Zexion doubled over in laughter as Roxas and Axel ran in opposite directions, reeling from the collision of their heads.

"This is actually _quite _amusing." Zexion said, trying to keep a straight face.

"I hate this game." Axel grumbled.

"Who _are _you people?" Roxas asked, dizzily standing up from the floor.

"You people are so _stupid_." Lexaeus mumbled, then walked out.

"Hey! I want to keep playing!" Zexion whined.

"I'll play!" Demyx walked into the room, bouncing.

"Go gel your hair and leave us alone, will you?" Zexion turned around and grabbed the ball from where it had rolled behind him.

"I just finished gelling my hair." Demyx said matter-of-factly.

"Well, go do it again!"

"But I- OW!"

Axel sighed and shook his head. "This story is such a hit. Get it?" he asked, turning to Roxas. "_A hit?_"

"Who _are_ you?"

"Doesn't anyone appreciate my totally stupid sense of humor?" Axel asked, disbelieving that anyone could actually _not_ get that joke.

"NO!" Everyone shouted.

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****That's that! Have fun with the next one, Pyrophobiacs and Bunnies!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	3. Of Pyropobiacs and Bunnies

**It came out kind of stupid, but I had to do this. LOL.**

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**Of Pyrophobiacs and Bunnies**

Axel had no clue why he was in a psych ward for pyropobiacs. He just knew that he had to go to the bathroom. Really bad.

Problem was, the line to the bathroom was REALLY, REALLY long. And Axel had to go.

REALLY BAD.

_This is worse than the time when I had to listen to Roxas get all sugar-highed and sing the Barney theme song for hours on end_. The pyro thought, eyes twitching. What were those people DOING in there? Didn't they know someone was waiting out here to USE THE PLACE?

Wait. This place was huge. There had to be another bathroom somewhere.

Axel teleported to the next floor, trying so hard not to pee himself that he didn't care who saw him.

This floor had a bathroom. And the line was longer than the other one.

That's when he spotted the sign on the wall.

**In Case of Fire, evacuate in an orderly fashion. Do not stay inside, and do not use elevators. If you see a fire, please pull the alarm, alert authorities by screaming 'FIRE' and run for your life. If you are trapped , put your head between your knees and kiss your behind goodbye.**

**Have a nice day!**

A yellow smiley-face sticker was placed underneath it, a totally stupid and random thing. Who in there right mind would a smiley-face under a poster telling you you could die in this place? That was so...

Perfect! Screw all these pyrophobiacs, he would just-

Wait. Why would they have a poster like that in a hospital full of pyrophobiacs? That made no sense whatsoever. That's like telling them they came here to die by their worst fear, or something.

Ah, screw it. He REALLY had to go. So what if the place went up in flames? At least he could go to the bathroom. And hopefully, not in his underwear.

So he pulled a chakram out of thin air and swung it, releaseing a pathtic, small, unuseable flame.

"Oh, come on, I JUST CHARGED the batteries!" He whined, swinging it again.

This time, a string of flame came out, but it hit the water fountain.

"What the heck does a guy have to do to go to the bathroom around here?" Axel whined for the millionth time, doing what seemed to be the Irish jig and swung the chakram again.

That's how the hallway got set on fire.

"FIRE!" Axel yelled, excited at both the sight of the flames and the prospect of being able to relieve himself.

No one moved.

"FIRE!" Axel yelled again, once again to no response. The pyropobiacs continued standing in front of the door.

"HELLO, PEOPLE! FIRE IN THE HOSPITAL! THE HALLWAY RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, AS A MATTER OF FACT!"

No one moved or said a word. Axel, thoroughly annoyed, walked over and pulled the alarm.

A sound like a klaxon horn going off passed through the hallways, followed by a ton of nurses running up to the pyrophobiacs and pulling at them to go outside. Of course, once the all saw the fire, they went absolutely bonkers, pointing and screaming and crying. Axel laughed. These people were missing out.

"Sir, you'd better leave."

Axel turned around. A short nurse with glasses and brown hair was standing behind him.

"But I have to go to the bathroom-" he glanced at her tag "-Rebbecca."

"Listen, you. I don't care if you have to get a face lift after this, you are COMING WITH ME."

"But..."

His protests were drowned in the screaming of the pyrophobiatic chaos.

"Can't these people HEAR themselves?" Axel muttered.

"Nope."

Axel turned to the nurse. "What do you mean, no?"

"No, as in, their deaf."

He blinked and thought a minute. "So, let's get this straight. You have an obnoxiously loud fire alarm, and the people can't even hear it?"

"Yep. Crazy, isn't it?" The nurse shook her head. "It's mainly to get idiots like you that decide to scream 'fire' so they could go to the bathroom. No one's ever actually _set fire_ to the place, though."

Axel's eyes widened. "How'd you..."

The nurse pulled out a police badge. "You just told me. Sorry, but you're going to have to come downtown with me."

Axel put on a puppy-dog face and whined "But I _really _have_ to go! _

"Sing it to the judge, honey."

"I have friends with mind- control powers! I'll just break out!"

"Yeah, and I have evil pet bunnies that hate guys with red hair."

"Bu-bunnies?" Axel's eyes widened. "I d-d-don't l-l-l-ike b-b-b-b-b-unnies."

"Oh, but why not? They're so cute and cuddly and they eat carrots..." Rebbecca went of on a speech about bunnies and how cute they were, and Axel shivered. Bunnies were so freaking scary and cute and fluffy, reminding him of the time Larxene put one in his room.

"AHHHHH! I WAS KIDDING BOUT THE MIND- CONTROL THING!" He shouted, unable to stand the thought of bunnies any longer.

"Really? I wasn't kidding about the bunnies."

A small, cute, adorably unharmable bunny peeked from behind the nurse's leg, and Axel screamed.

"NO! MAKE IT STOP! I'LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF YOU AGAIN, LARXENE, JUST MAKE IT STOP! NOT BUNNIES! PLEASE!"

"Fine, just stop acting like a total idiot, will you? It's rather scary."

Axel looked up to see Larxene looking at him like he was crazy.

"BUNNIES!" Axel shouted, burying his face in his knees.

"Oh, 'comon, that was funny. Who would have thought that the fiery, untamable Axel would be scared of _bunnies_?"

"BUNNIES!" He shouted again, in tears.

"Fine, fine." Larxene turned and shot her throwing knives at the small, furry creature, killing it instantly. "Now will you stop?"

"HOW DARE YOU KILL MY-"

"Ah, shut up, lady." Larxene said to the nurse, then turned to Axel. "One more thing, why is it every time we go to visit Vexen's mother, you set the hospital on fire? I really hate calling Demyx to put the thing out. I can't look at the wretch without wanting to slice his throat." She made a motion at her throat as if it were the blond himself.

"I REALLY had to go." Axel pouted. He'd been doing that a lot in the past hour.

"Well, great. Go to the bathroom and then go back to the castle, will you? I'm sick of this place." Larxene teleported out and Axel stood up.

"You know, there's something funny about that. I don't have to go anymore..."

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****LOL. R&R, and especially tell me if I put Larxene in character!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	4. Roxas and Axel Have A Little Fun

**HyperRikku59, you asked for it.**

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**Roxas and Axel Have A Little Fun**

"Did you get it yet?"

"Shh! Saϊx'll hear you." Axel put a finger to his lips, glaring at the blond.

"Well, this is so exiting!"

"You can't tell me you've never done this before." Axel walked down the hallway, sticking close to the walls, and motioned Roxas to follow. "And will you please not talk so loud? Someone'll here us."

"Oh." Roxas stuck his tongue out at Axel when he wasn't looking, carrying a cage of some sort, covered by a towel. They walked like this all the way down the hall, then stopped outside a door.

"Give me the cage."

Roxas handed Axel said cage, and he opened the door to it. Something small and furry dashed out of it into the room.

"Okay, now what?"

"I don't know." Axel shrugged. "Wanna go imitate Luxord and Xemnas playing blackjack?"

Roxas's eyes lighted up. "Yeah! That'll get _someone_ going. Maybe we can get Demyx to-"

"We're not getting Demy to do anything." Axel said, annoyed, and walked down the hall.

"SOMEONE'S suffering from major PMS. I thought we were done with that when Larxene left…" Roxas shook his head and sighed, then suddenly perked up. "Hey, Axel! AXEL!"

"What?" the redhead turned around, confused.

"Bunnies."

"NOOOOOOO! Where? WHERE ARE THEY?" Axel summoned his chakrams, ready to strike. "I'LL KILL THEM ALL! I'LL SLICE THEIR HEADS OFF! I'LL BURN THEM TO SMITHEREENS! I'LL-"

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"Shh, almighty Superior, please, you'll upset the cards and my _unique_ shuffling tactics-" Roxas was red in the face, sitting across from Axel at a table covered in playing cards that looked very similar to Luxord's.

"YOU DON'T SHUFFLE, YOU CHEATER! HOW _DARE_ YOU DEFY ME, THE ALMIGHTY GOD OF MANLINESS!" Axel, unlike Roxas, had a straight face, and managed to play the part of Zemnas very well.

"But, almighty Superior, may I shine your shoes? Sharpen your weapon? Kiss your-"

"Alright, enough already! I think I broke my rib!"

"Is he dead yet?" Axel looked down at the skinny blond on the floor, who was rolling around, laughing his head off.

"No." Roxas looked down, slightly disappointed. "Maybe we should actually bring Luxord and Xemnas in. That might work…"

"AHHHHHHH!"

Axel looked up. "Looks like Saϊx found his present…"

"MAKE IT GO AWAY! _MAKE IT GO AWAY_!"

Roxas put his hood up as Saϊx teleported into the room, holding a squirrel by the tail.

"Who put this- this-"

"Squirrel?" Demyx said helpfully.

"_FILTHY RODENT_ in my room?"

"The bogeyman." Axel said, holding a straight face even though the corners of his mouth were going up.

"I'LL BELIEVE THAT WHEN THE COWS COME HOME, YOU LITTLE- _AHHH!_"

"I think he's gone mental." Roxas remarked, hood still up.

"Aw, Saϊx, don't tell us you're scared of a itty bitty squirrel?" Axel was shaking from trying not to laugh as the said squirrel ran up the sleeve of Saϊx's cloak.

"I'M NOT SCARED OF- _GAHHHH_!"

Kingdom Hearts only knows what that squirrel was doing, but it must not have been pleasant. Saϊx teleported out, screaming like a sissy girl.

"Gee, and I thought the sissy girl was Marluxia." Axel remarked, staring at the spot where Saϊx had disappeared. "I mean, he _was_ the one with the girly pink scythe."

Roxas, who had taken his hood off, smirked quite suddenly, as though coming up with an ingenious plan.

"Hey, Axel?"

"What?"

"Bunnies."

"WAHHHH!"

Axel and Saϊx were found two weeks later in the Sahara Desert, living off cactus and groundwater.

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****It's a little short, I know, but I've gotta go in 5!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	5. Enviromentally Friendly

**Have fun with this one. Your request, BlackLadyCharon!**

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**Environmentally Friendly**

"Hmm..." Vexen stroked the non-existent beard on his chin and closed his eyes. "I honestly don't think that it is physically able to be executed."

"In English?..." Luxord looked cluelessly at the dirty-blond stoic man, completely lost as to what he was saying.

"It is impossible for your cards to grow bigger than they already do."

"But Vexen-"

"It won't work without you passing out, or possibly dying." Vexen tilted his head to the ceiling. "On second thought, go ahead and try. One less insolent fool I have to deal with."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?" Luxord glared.

"Nothing, nothing, just that you're an-"

"VEXEN! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!" Demyx dashed into the room, face red and eyes wide.

"What is it _now,_ Demyx?" Vexen glanced at the blond. Other than the fact his hair seemed a little wetter than normal, he looked perfectly fine, albeit he was in a panic.

"I- I can't-"

"Can't _what_, Demyx?"

"Well, I tried to dye my hair this really awesome shade of pink-"

"_Why _in Kingdom Hearts would you want to dye your hair _pink_?" Luxord looked incredulously at Demyx, who was now on the floor, panting.

"It looks good under stage light. Anyway, I tried to dye it, and-"

"It _really_ didn't work." Axel walked into the room, laughing.

"Why do you always show up _everywhere_?" Demyx whined, unable to hide his annoyance that Axel was in the room.

"Simple, really. Everybody _loves_ Axel."

"I don't." Demyx glared with narrow eyes at Axel, who laughed harder.

"Yeah, but everyone else _does_."

"I beg to differ, Axel. Saïx hates your guts." Vexen pointed out.

"Yeah, but he doesn't count." Axel waved his hand carelessly, then turned back to Demyx. "I _told_ you it wasn't going to work."

"But all I want to do is _dye_ it. Is that so bad?"

"Yes, actually. It's physically impossible for a nobody to change their physical appearance just because they want to." Vexen pointed out, the continued. "It's just the way things go, I'm afraid."

"But Axel gets his hair to stand up all over the place like that." Demyx pointed to the back of Axel's head, the former of which looked offended.

"My hair does this naturally, thank you! You, on the other hand, go through **7** bottles of gel a week to get your look." Axel countered, snapping his fingers for effect.

"That's a bottle a day." Luxord noted. "No wonder your hair is so stiff."

"And you want to dye your hair? With all that crap you put in it, it's no wonder that your hair color won't change." Vexen shook his head.

"And he doesn't even recycle the used bottles." Axel shook his head. "You'd think he'd be worried about the dolphins suffocating from eating it or something..."

"Dolphins can't suffocate from eating a _bottle_, you stupid-"

"THINK OF THE ENVIROMENT." Luxord said loudly, shaking his head.

"Don't encourage them." Vexen reprimanded, glaring at the gambler.

"You should talk." Luxord pointed out, but then fell silent.

"Poor Demyx." Axel shook his head. "You never know how good people are these days until they start dumping empty hair-care bottles in the pond out back..."

"You DUMPED them in the POND?" Vexen looked ready to puke. "Lexaeus and Zexion pushed me into that thing the other day! No WONDER that I was all sticky!"

"I did-"

"And all the fish died." Axel shook his head. "What are we going to eat?"

"Go SHOPPING like normal-"

"I guess we're just going to have to eat someone. " Axel cut him off again. "I vote we start with Demyx. He's not all muscle, so we might get a good meal out of him."

Demyx looked up at Axel, then sent death glares to everyone in the room. "YOU PEOPLE SUCK!" He shouted at the top of his voice, then ran out the door.

"Poor, tortured, musician souls..." Axel shook his head sadly, then teleported out of the room.

"THIS is why I hate youngsters. Always so insolent to elders." Vexen glared at the door.

"I agree."

"You do?" Vexen turned to Luxord.

"Indeed. Want to discuss it over a game of Blackjack?"

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****I'm still taking requests!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	6. Larxene's Worst Fear

**Had a little fun with this one.**

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**Larxene's Worst Fear**

Xigbar watched closely from the couch with his eyebrows raised as Xaldin got on all fours and peered under the couch, obviously looking for something. Xigbar got up, walked over, and poked Xaldin on the back.

"Watcha' looking for?"

"Nothing." Xaldin stood up and looked down at the floor, sweeping it with his gaze.

"Liar. You're looking at the floor."

"Bite me." Xaldin walked out of the room, peering into corners as he went.

"Where and how hard?" Xigbar yelled after him, then shivered. "On second thought, never mind!"

**33333**

"Here, Munchkin! Here, girl!" Xaldin crouched down on all fours, peering under the table.

"EEEEEK!"

Xaldin jumped up off the floor just as Larxene materialized in the middle of the kitchen, screaming bloody murder.

"Where's Marluxia?"

"I don't know. Probably downstairs sharpening his scythe, or something." Xaldin replied, peering under the stove at the same time. "Why?"

"Because there's something small, gray, and furry in my room, and if I don't get rid of it, I'm moving out." Larxene teleported out and Xaldin found himself praying 'Don't find Marluxia, don't find Marluxia, don't find Marluxia...'

**333333**

"Come here, Munchkin! Come here, cutie!" Xaldin whispered to the small bundle of fur under Larxene's bed. It hissed.

"Oh, come on, I promise I won't hurt you..." Judging by the throwing knives thrown around under the bed, Larxene had tried (and failed) many times to do just that. "Come to daddy before Larxene comes back-"

"_What_ are you doing under my bed?"

Xaldin jumped, hitting his head as he scrambled to his feet.

"Um, nothing." He said quickly. "Just preforming my duties as an older member, extermination, you know-"

"Um-hm." Larxene glared, then turned to Marluxia. "It's under there."

Xaldin dropped to the floor, reached under the bed, grabbed a tuft of fur, and pulled, hiding the bundle of fur (and his bleeding hand) in the folds of his cloak.

"What was that about?" Larxene asked, looking at him like he was insane.

"Noth-"

"Meow."

"GAH! Where is it?" Larxene jumped onto Marluxia's back, looking around wildly. Marluxia looked shell-shocked for a second, then recovered his composure.

"You're scared of _cats_?"

"No." Larxene jumped down off of Marluxia's back, embarrassed. "I'm not scared of any-"

"Meow."

"AHHH! MAKE IT GO AWAY!"

"WHAT is going on down here?"

"Nothing, Superior." All of them said at once, looking sheepish. They probably could have gotten away with it, but Xaldin's hand wrapped in his cloak gave him away.

"Well, um, it was raining _really_ hard about a week ago, and I went out for a walk, and-" Xaldin started to say.

"You went for a walk in the _rain_?" Xemnas asked, skeptical.

"Yeah. Anyway, I was walking, and I found this-" Xaldin pulled the small bundle out of his cloak and handed it to Xemnas. "I named her Munchkin, after the Dunkin' Donuts snacks."

Xemnas looked down at the small, gray kitten, which looked up at him with big, yellow eyes. "Meow?"

"IF THAT THING STAYS, I'M MOVING OUT!" Larxene screamed, staring at it with wide eyes.

"Oh, can we keep it? I'll take care of it!" Marluxia looked exited, whether about the cat staying or Larxene moving out no one knew.

"I believe _I_ found it."

"But _I'll_ take better care of it."

"Who cares?"

"We're keeping it." Xemnas decided. "But I'm confiscating it. It's staying with me." And with that, he vanished, leaving the three of them in the room alone.

"XEMNAS, IF YOU DON'T GET RID OF IT, I'M _LEAVING_ AND _NEVER_ COMING BACK!"

"Really?" Zexion poked his head in the room, looking quite cheerful, as though he had just been forced to eat five bags of marshmallows. "Need help packing?" Then, without waiting for an answer, he shouted "LARXENE'S MOVING OUT AND NEEDS HELP PACKING!"

At once, there were eight more people in Larxene's room, cramming things in to garbage bags and throwing them out the Castle window.

"GAHH!" Larxene shouted, then got hit in the head with a garbage bag.

**

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****Love,**

**RCK**


	7. Birthday Bash

**Hey! It was my b-day yesterday (Sweet 16!), so I decided to write a combo birthday/request fic. HyperRikku59 wanted to know what happened to the cat, and I wanted to write a birthday fic. I came up with the BEST idea. So here it goes…****

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**Birthday Bash**

"Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday to you,

Happy birthday dear Rox- OMFH!"

"Shut up." Roxas mumbled, rolling over onto his stomach and burying his face in the white pillow.

"But I wanted to be the first person to-"

"Wish me a happy birthday, I know." The blond looked up at his red-haired friend and glared. "But couldn't you wait for a _reasonable_ hour? Say, seven? NOT midnight?"

"But I had it timed so perfectly!" Axel exclaimed. "I started singing the _second _the clock hit twelve-"

"Whatever."

"Well, someone's a little witchy today." Axel huffed and stormed out of the room.

**33333**

"Happy birth-"

"If you finish that statement I will knock you out." Roxas threatened, leaving a confused Demyx staring after him.

"BEWARE THE CA-"

"SHUT UP!" Roxas shouted, storming into the kitchen.

"SOMEONE'S in a bad mood today." Larxene sat at the table, wearing a look that only someone that liked watching people suffer could wear.

"Well, I'd probably be in a better mood if SOMEONE hadn't gotten me up at MIDNIGHT singing 'Happy Birthday'!"

"Someone's cranky…" Axel mumbled under his breath, glaring at the white-and-blue cake on the table.

"Oh, did you guys make me a cake?" Roxas's mood perked up instantly. Hey, if someone baked you a cake, you'd be happy too.

"BEWARE THE CA- Ow!" Demyx fell over on the floor, having hit the corner of a cabinet with his head.

"What the-" Roxas looked down, then shrugged and turned back to the cake. It looked _really _good. In fact, it looked scrummylicious. He went to take a slice-

A small, gray, furry kitten dressed in a playboy bunny outfit jumped out, causing Roxas to fall on the floor. Larxene ran from the room, screaming.

"YOU PROMISED IT WOULD BE BUNNIES!"

"WHERE?" Axel looked around frantically.

"Friggin' bunnyphobiacs…" Zexion mumbled under his breath, looking like it was NOT his day. Who knew why.

"So, I guess this means I don't get cake, huh?" Roxas looked somewhat disappointed.

"Well, maybe I could-"

"Oh, _shut up_." Zexion hissed under his breath.

"What's crawled up your butt, Zexy?" Axel turned to Zexion, looking interested.

"DON'T call me Zexy. And I'm SICK of everyone saying it's Roxas's birthday when it's so OBVIOUSLY mine!" And with that, he teleported out of the room, causing Axel to grab the calendar off the wall. He looked at it, then flipped back a month.

"Um, did anyone know we were a month ahead?" He looked up, confused.

"Yep." Demyx smiled mischievously. "Don't you just LOVE it when I do that?"

"Wait- Roxas and Zexion were born on the same date?" Lexaeus asked, peering over Axel's shoulder at the calendar.

"I guess so. A month apart, different years, it looks like."

"So we gave the cake to the wrong person?" Xigbar looked disappointed. "But that was such a good idea!"

"Well, I'm going to go tell Zexion Happy Birthday." Roxas walked out of the room.

"Make sure he doesn't kill you first!" Axel shouted out after him.

"Munchkin! Here, girl!"

"Is that-" Demy looked outstounded.

"No. Can't be." Marluxia looked to the door.

"Munckin!" Xemnas walked into the kitchen. "Oh, hey. Have any of you seen my cat?"

"Cat? What cat?" Demyx tried to play innocent and hid the kitten, which was in his hand, in his pocket. Unfortunately, the kitten jumped up and ran to Xemans.

"Kitty! Hey, Munchykins! Wait- What are you doing in a playboy bunny outfit? And why-" He examined closer, "- Are you covered in cake?"

All of the organization members looked at each other. "HE DID IT!" They each pointed to a different person, with the exception of Xaldin, who stupidly pointed to himself.

"Right…"

Within two minutes, which involved three broken arms, two bloody noses, and various other means of not- so- nice violence, Xemnas had finally managed to get the truth out of Axel, who was the only member not maimed and apparently trying to save his own skin.

"Well, well, well…" Xemnas looked livid. "There is only one punishment fit enough for this-"

All of the members cowered.

"YOU ARE ALL UNDER HOUSE ARREST!"

**

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****Didn't come out how I wanted it to, but hey…**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	8. Xemnas Goes Crazy

**Credit for this chapter goes to my -gasp- _brother_, who, while playing with my cell phone, recorded a funny, threatening message that inspired this story.**

**I was going to make another one-shot for this (I usually put up two at a time), but it came out long. So go to 'You've got Voicemail' under me to read more Organization randomness!**

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**Xemnas Gone Crazy**

"Bow down to my kingliness, all for those who are mortal!" Xemnas stood in front of the full-length mirror in his room, reciting his taking- over- Twilight- Town speech. It was rather disturbing.

"-Because I came out of Hell with powers! So, anyone that has anything to do with Sora will be thrown in the dungeon, except of Sora, because he will drown in a pit of gravy! So, have a nice day, and I wish you a good day, because I WILL BE WATCHING."

"Meow."

"What's that? Too unfriendly? That's how it's supposed to be!" Xemnas turned to Munchkin, who was watching him make his speech.

"Meow."

"And I had improper grammar? Who are you, my English 10 teacher? Wait, let's not talk about her." Xemnas shivered. "I-Search... That'll be the first thing to go when I take over the world."

"Meow."

"And I said 'have a nice day' twice?"

"Meow."

"And I told the keyblade master to drown in a pit of gravy?"

"Meow."

"Fine. How's this, then:" Xemnas cleared his throat. "Bow down to my manliness, all of those who are mortal! For, I came out of Kingdom Hearts with powers! So, anybody who has anything to do with the Keyblade Master, Sora, will be thrown in the dungeon. Said keyblade master will be thrown in a pit of gravy. Everyone, have a nice day. I'll know if you're not. I'm watching you." He turned back to the small, gray kitten. "Well?"

"Meow."

"Yeah, you're right, Twilight Town doesn't have a day, does it?"

"Meow."

"What do you mean, I'm crazy?"

"Meow."

"I'm NOT certifiably insane!"

"Meow."

"So what if I'm talking to a kitten? Lots of people talk to their pets!"

"Meow."

"Call me crazy one more time and you'll have no tuna for a month."

"Meow, meow, meow."

"I thought so. I love you too, Munchikins."

"Um, Superior?"

Xemnas turned around and faced a very scared- looking Marluxia standing at the door.

"How much did you see?"

"All of it."

"Tell anyone, and I mean _anyone_, and you'll be evaporated into thin air before you can say 'evaporate'."

"Yes, Superior." Marluxia turned around and walked down the hallway, cackling.

"Man, this will make a FOURTUNE on e-bay!" He said happily, holding up a camcorder.

**

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****Love,**

**RCK**


	9. Shoes

**Shoes**

"It's MINE!"

"No, it's MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

"GIVE IT TO ME, YOU LITTLE WITCH!"

"NO!" Larxene clutched the credit card to her chest. "A girl has to go shopping, you know! I need a new pair of shoes!" She pointed to the pair of boots on her feet, which couldn't have been more than a day old.

"Oh, yes, you only bought those yesturday. GIVE ME MY CREDIT CARD." Marluxia glared at Larxene, who smirked.

"Make me."

"Why, you little-"

"Watch you mouth! There's kids around!"

"So? Not like they haven't heard it before!"

"But still, you should at least _try_ to be nice to them."

"You should talk, you sadist!"

"How _dare_ you!"

"Is there a problem in here, or are you two just making out again?"

Marluxia and Larxene turned to the doorway to find Xaldin, who was wearing a look like he had just won the lottery.

"Um... hey, Xaldin." Marluxia stammered, then recovered. "She stole my credit card." he pointed to Larxene, who glared.

"It's not nice to point."

"Maybe not, but you have _my_ credit card."

"I need a new pair of boots!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"DO NOT!"

"DO TOO!"

"Will you two _please_ shut up? You're giving me a headache." Xadlin complained, massaging his temples. "Marluxia, you're higher up then Larxene, just _order_ her to give back the stupid card." And with that, he left.

Marluxia turned to Larxene.

"Do not."


	10. Demyx's New Song

**Demyx's New Song**

A burst of laughter coming from his room caused Axel to backtrack down the hall, poking his head in.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Roxas and Demyx looked up from the floor, red in the face.

"What're you two doing? Making out, or something?"

"Nope." Roxas kept his voice straight despite the obvious lie.

"Right..."

Axel turned around and walked out of the room.

A few strums of a guitar and a few lines of vocals, followed by more laughter, caused him to teleport into his room behind Roxas.

"If you guys are going to make fun of me while I go get popcorn for the horror movie marathon, you're going to leave."

"I'm making fun of you! I mean, I'm _not_ making fun of you! I mean- aw, shit." Roxas stumbled, hanging his head.

"Alright, then, let's hear it, Demyx." Axel demanded, folding his arms.

"Hear what?" Demyx faked an innocent smile.

"Whatever the hell it was you were just saying."

"OHHHH, He said the h-word..." Roxas' eyes went wide.

"I'll be saying the f-word pretty soon if you don't tell it."

"You wouldn't dare." Demyx's eyes grew wide.

"..."

"Told ya he wouldn't." Demyx turned to Roxas."

"Fuck."

"HE SAID IT! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE ACTUALLY SAID IT!"

"Oh, I'm tellin' Xemnas on yo-ou..." Demyx sang, getting up. Axel beat him to the door and slammed it shut, standing in front of it.

"So are you two gonna act like two-year-olds or are you gonna tell me what it is you guys laugh about whenever I leave the room?"

Demyx sighed regretfully, then sat down. "Well, if you insist..." he picked up his sitar and started to sing.

"_We put Axel in therapy,_

_He doesn't look like a real man,_

_He's an anorexic drag queen,_

_Someone should knock some sense into him-"_

"I AM NOT ANOREXIC!"

"Then why don't you eat?"

"Nobody's don't HAVE to-"

"I told you he had the girlish figure, Rox." Demyx laughed. "Who would have thought he had an eating disorder-"

"BITE ME!" Axel shouted, then left the room.

Roxas and Demyx's laughter plagued him throughout the castle.


	11. Why Lexaeus is So Quiet

**This idea popped into my head, and I couldn't help myself. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about your requests! Just so you know, congrats to Flaming Dragon Thief, who gave me an idea so good, I had to make it into a separate fic. That'll be coming soon! I'll let you know later!**

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**Why Lexaeus is So Quiet**

"But I want a candy bar!"

"Shut up."

"But-"

"Demyx, SHUT UP. Nobody wants to hear about you wanting a stupid _candy bar_." Zexion turned to the mullet-haired blond. "Why don't you go eat the one you stole for me?"

Demyx walked off, sulking. In the room adjoining the hall the two had been arguing in, Lexaeus sat in a chair, glancing down at a book, but not absorbing it entirely.

Instead, he was plotting Murder. With a capital M.

Demyx could be so annoying. How he had snuck in above the likes of Luxord and Marluxia was anyone's guess. Maybe he should just go to Wal-Mart, buy some candy bars, and shove them down his-

No. That wouldn't work. Demyx would eat the things before suffocating on them.

What if he went to Wal-Mart, grabbed a pillow, and tried-

No, that wouldn't work either. To easily traced back to him.

Lexaeus continued to stare at the book, not noticing Zexion across the room, watching him with raised eyebrows.

What if he went to the video store, got a ton of movies like Barney and Pokemon, then made Demyx watch them! That might work out nicely, just let him shrivel up and die listening to the Barney theme song-

Nah. Not satisfying enough.

What if he asked Saïx to go and chop his head off? No, he wanted to kill Saïx too, that wouldn't work out...

Unless the had a fight to the death match! Then, maybe they'd kill each other! But that wasn't guaranteed...

He could suffocate them both with a plastic bag! That was it! Demyx was stupid enough to do something like that! YES! By this time tomorrow, Saïx and Demyx would both be HISTORY!

"You're not thinking of killing someone else you don't like, are you?"

Lexaeus looked up in surprise. "How'd you guess?"

Zexion shrugged. "The look on your face. Anything I can help with?"

"Not unless you'd like to suffocate Demyx with a plastic bag."

"Sounds like fun. When can we start?"

"When we get a plastic bag."

"Be right back." Zexion started to disappear in a plume of smoke- and then took off like a rocket, hitting the ceiling. However, as cruel as it is, Newton's Law of Gravity- What goes up, must come down.

Zexion hit the floor with a _crash_, sending books tumbling for a nearby shelf and landing on his head.

"House arrest, remember? No teleporting, because of that stupid cat and the playboy bunny outfit-"

"Yeah, it was my birthday, remember?" Zexion grumbled, rubbing his head.

Lexaeus sat back in his chair. What was he thinking about again? Oh, yes, suffocating Demyx with a plastic bag.

... On second thought, Demyx wasn't _that_ stupid. Maybe he should hit him with a barbell...

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**Gimme lots of reviews, people! It's come to my attention that about 14 people are on alert for this story. I want a review from all fourteen, 'kay? Or else! See this! Yes, this. It's a Super Soaker. And I'm pointing it at Axel. So review, or he gets it!**

**Love,**

**RCK**


	12. Jomo

**Jomo**

"What? You know _everything_. How could you not know what Jomo is?" Demyx's eyes were wide with shock as he stared at the Chilly Academic.

"You mean Moho? _Of course_ I know what that means, it's short for Mohorovičić Discontinuity, or the layer between the Mantle and the Crust-"

"NOT the Moho, genius. _Jomo."_

"Jomo? What on Earth is Jomo?"

"If I knew, I wouldn't be asking you." Demyx looked desperate.

"And why, may I ask, do you so desperately need to know what Jomo is?"

Demyx pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and held it up. "Number fifteen across. 'Jomo' is the clue. Only, I have no clue what Jomo is! It's very annoying."

"Did you look it up in the dictionary?"

"Axel burned them up last night. He had a fit because the library was missing a copy of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone'."

"And where was the said book?"

"I have no clue."

"You were the last one with it."

"Yeah, but I- hey! Don't try to change the subject!"

"Well, I have no clue what Jomo is."

"Grr..." Demyx pulled a battered paperback copy of 'Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone' out of his pocket.

"So _you're _the thief!" Vexen looked elated. "Now Axel will incinerate you and I won't have to deal with your crossword hissy fits!"

"Thief? That's plain rude!" Demyx crossed his arms, offended, and accidentally crinkled his crossword. "Great, look what you made me did!" He held the crossword at an arm's length, examining the folds.

"It was already crinkled." Vexen pointed out, raising an eyebrow at the blond.

"That's not the point." Demyx grumbled, then walked out the door. Vexen picked up a random cell phone lying on the desk he was sitting at.

"Demyx is about to have a crossword tantrum. Break out the wading boots."

Sure enough, for the next week, the Castle had two inches of water on the floor, everyone was wearing wading boots, and Axel was nowhere to be found.

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****I honestly don't remember who requested this, nor what the request was for. O.o All I remembered was the word 'Jomo', and then my mom threw a fit about a crossword. **

**Love,**

**RCK **


	13. As Luck Would Have It

**As Luck Would Have It**

Axel stare at him, wide-eyed. He couldn't be here. He mustn't be here. He should be saving the Land of Dragons from impending doom or something, not being HERE. Besides, he was about a year early, Larxene and them didn't die yet-

"Hello?" the brunette waved a hand in front of his face. "I'm asking where the nearest fast-food restaurant is. Preferably McDonald's, But I'm up for Burger King too-"

"YOUSHOULDNTBEHEREROXASWOULDBEINBIGTOUBLEIFHESAWYOUANDWEHAVETOGETRIDOFYOUBUTHOW?" Axel set the edges of the hallway on fire, eyes wide, screaming like a maniac and not able to string a coherent sentence together.

"Dude- what are you going on about?"

"GAHHHHHH!" Axel grabbed the back of Sora's neck and threw him into the nearest room, slamming the door shut and melting the edging together.

There. No one was getting out of that-

Larxene's room.

"Oh." Axel stared at the door for a full three seconds, shrugged, and continued walking don the hallway just as Roxas turned the corner.

"Dude, you set the castle on fire again? Xemnas is gonna be ticked- someone's gotta find Demyx before he sees this- What's that?"

Screaming had started to issue from behind the closed door of Larxene's room.

"Uh- I don't wanna know. Let's go get McDonald's."

Roxas nodded, and the two best friends walked side by side out of the hallway that was on fire, happened to be the home of Larxene's room, and also had screams and laughs of sadistic torture coming from it.

As Axel would say, take pleasure in the little joys in life. Got it memorized?


	14. Make It Up

**Make It Up**

"Err..." Xaldin glared at the paper in front of him. Taxes. No, the Organization wouldn't be complete without yearly tax forms and having to let the Superior know _exactly _what was bought with their spending money that year...

He was still fuming when Demyx walked in the room, narrowly missing a calculator being thrown at his head.

"Taxes?"

Xaldin grunted something inaudibly. Demyx came over and tilted his head to one side, reading the records.

"You spent ALL of your money?" Demyx's eyes went wide. "Geez, Xal, we get close to 50,000 a year to spend and you use ALL of it? Wha'd you do, buy a house?"

"Call me Xal again." The unfortunate man with the sideburns warned.

"Oops. Sorry."

"You better be. Now get out."

"But how did you spend all of your research money- Wow, that's how you bought that super-cool motorcycle?"

"Gee, say it a little louder, Demyx."

"Well, gee, at least you spent 500 on lab eqpiment- YOU BOUGHT A DRUMSET AND DIDN'T TELL ME?"

"It was an expensive drumset. I didn't need you wrecking it."

"Oh- but you spent 150 dollars on a straightener?"

"My hair is very unmanageable!"

"And you're trying to write all this off one your tax forms?"

"That was the plan, until you came prncing in here and so nicely told me that I CAN'T."

"But I didn't."

"Well, what else am I suppsed to do?"

"Make it up, like everyone else?"

And with that, Demyx finally left.

"Oh- why didn't I think of that?"

Two weeks later, Xaldin received the award for "Best Made-Up-Making-the-Superior-Laugh-Because-We-Know-You-Bought-a-Straightener Tax Form."


	15. Prepositions

**Prepositions**

"Happy Halloween, Roxas."

"Thanks."

Axel looked at Roxas, tilting his head to one side. "Say, Roxas, where's your party at?"

Roxas looked up, confused. "What party?"

"Your Halloween Party. Where's it at?"

"Wha- Don't end a sentence with a preposition."

Axel sighed. "Okay, fine. Where's your party at, **bitch**?"

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**Inspired by a birthday card I got for someone.**

**RCK**


	16. Vault

**Vault**

Zexion stared at the energy drink, utterly repulsed. "No."

"But Zexy-"

"Call me Zexy again."

"But _Zexion_, it's just some Vault. It's not gonna kill you."

"It looks disgusting."

"Whatever you say." Demyx shrugged and placed the can in front of his coworker, taking care to opn it for him. "Just remember, it's your fault you can't stay up during the day because you refuse to drink coffee."

Zexion watched Demyx leave the kitchen, glowering at his back. He then turned his attention back to the can in front of him. It even _smelled _disgusting. Worse than coffee...

He picked up the can and took a tiny sip.

Thank god for underclothes (or not).

"What's gotten into him? Has he been drinking again?" Vexen looked around the paper at number VI like someone had just died.

"Nah, I gave him some Vault this morning." Demyx piqued up, glancing from the top of his crossword.

"ARE YOU INSANE?"

Zexion chose this moment to grab a rather large box of matches, light one, and throw it in with the rest of them. Of course, this led to the whole box being on fire in the middle of the living room.

"FIRE!" Zexion shouted, dancing some more. "I'M BRINGING SEXY BACK-"

Lexaeus mercifully hit Zexion on the back of the head with his tomahawk. "Demyx, if that fire isn't out in three point five seconds, I'm going to suffoceate you with a plastic bag."

Luckily for Demyx, he had the whole thing on camera.

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**Credit for the idea goes to HopelesslyxXxLost.**


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